Hang On. Help Is On Its Way.

I've had a pretty shitty time as of late.  But I was driving on the interstate the other day, passing a dump truck.  We've all seen them.  Covered in dirt coming from or going to a job site.  Some of them have some simple phrase hand scribbled in the filth, probably from one of their fellow drivers, that says something like "Clean me" or "Show me your...".  This one had one of those "dirty" notes.

"Help is on the way".  A cross inscribed in the grime as well.

I should've taken a picture of it.  But, um...I was driving and I didn't want to jeopardize my fellow motor vehicle operators.  I wanted to be responsible.  Nonetheless, it took me a bit for that message to really resonate with me.  I sat on it for the rest of the drive.  Sticking it in the back of my mind for when I could put more attention to it.

Here's the thing with stress and trauma, it knows no boundaries.  It has no limits and it doesn't care who you are.  A few years ago, I was sitting at a table.  It was a peer support team meeting, so the other attendees filling up the rest of the room where all team members, mostly police officers.  But this was no ordinary meeting.  A sister police officer and team member had just died.  It was one of those complete horseshit deaths as well.  She inadvertently mixed one of her prescription drugs with an over the counter medication.  The combination proved fatal.  It was completely unexpected and, as you can imagine, devastated many on the team.

So, we were in this meeting and the team sergeant started it off by asking how people were doing.  We went around the room and took turns.  As we made our way around, I heard person after person stick to the same theme.  Each talked about the big stressor in the their life at the moment...the in-laws were staying over, one of the kids was sick, someone had to put a dog down, and on and on.  And then it got to me.  Like the rest, I could've easily rattled off something that was chapping my ass at the time.

I sat for a second and then remarked on the trend I had been hearing from the others.  There will always be something.  Always.  If it's not this, it's that.  We will constantly have to face an obstacle, however small or towering, to climb over, work through, or take care of.  Instead, what we should do is focus on preparing ourselves for that next inevitable shit storm.  I've been getting repeated jabs lately from life and was recently on the receiving end of a mean cross that connected pretty firmly.  It knocked me down.  Hard.

And it was then, as I was laying on the mat so to speak, that I saw that grimy ass looking truck with its piercing message.  "Help is on the way."  If there's one good thing that I've been able to take from the repeated traumas and incidents I've been exposed to over and over throughout my career, it is that I have acquired the mindset that there is always something else to prepare for.  Now, make no mistake, I am not saying or implying that those experiences made for a good foundation for my mental wellness in dealing with those repeated traumas.  In other words, I didn't better prepare myself for the "the next thing" by going through those experiences.  I just knew that something else was coming after the one I was in was over.  Still, perhaps there's some benefit to that, at least.

Adopting coping skills to help handle the stress and trauma is important.  A few years ago, when I sat down in my therapist's chair following the first couple of sessions, she told me about mindfulness.  I was a little weary.  But I had nothing to lose.  I needed some help and I first sought out therapy because I knew my lack of coping tools was a problem and hindering my ability to get through my most traumatic experiences.  In other words, I couldn't do it myself, knew it, and went for help.  At that point, pride was a nonissue.  Well, that mindfulness exercise was incredible.  I was hooked.  I've since told others about it and have continued to use it myself, along with some other coping techniques.  Here are a few good ones (don't knock them until you try them):

• Mindfulness (OK, you weren't expecting that...?)
• Breathing exercises (for us coppers, also known as "tactical breathing", ya know, to make it more cool and acceptable)
• Grounding
• Journaling
• Aromatherapy (yes, that's rights boys, certain scents, like lavender, can help settle you down)

When I finally arrived home and parked, I had time to reflect on the message of that truck.  Help is on the way.  By recognizing several years ago, when I was going through my "shit" (read earlier blogs), that what I was dealing with was beyond my scope and capacity, I was able to get help and acquire tools for the future.  And now, as I still feel the sting of my latest hit, I know I can help myself.  Oh, I will need the assistance of others, at times, no doubt.  We all should, actually.  I find refuge in the love of my life.  But first things first, I gotta pull myself up.  And that's what I'm doing.

So, prepare yourself 'cause something will always come.  But also know, that if you do get knocked down, help is on its way.  Reach out for it.  Right, LRB?