In Valor There is Hope. Those words were first said by the one of the greatest Roman historians, Tacitus. They grace the hallowed walls of the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial in our nation's capitol. And they are also tattooed on my right arm to serve as a reminder of those who gave the ultimate sacrifice before me and to honor those who continue to dedicate their very lives...mind, body, and soul...for their communities, their families.
But what is that phrase actually conveying? What does it mean? Of course, it varies with each individual. For me, it means that, in the act or actions of courageousness or strength of character, there is hope for us as individuals and then collectively as a society. I am inspired by others just like the next person. And more so when its those who have devoted everything...sometimes literally and tragically everything...for the betterment and protection of the world we live in. Firefighters, paramedics and EMTs, doctors and nurses, teachers and caretakers, and the like.
And yes, police officers. Believe it or not. Its not a secret that we've been getting the shit beat out of us in media outlets this past year, but I'm proud to say that I am part of this elite and devout brotherhood (please, don't take offense my sisters in arms...I'm just trying to keep it simple and maintain proper English to show that I have some level of higher intelligence. I absolutely include you.).
So, police officers. Who are these guys? What are these people? Who am I? Lately, we've been monsters. Murderers, to some, who have been given a badge and a gun and now have a legal avenue to start shooting the shit out of people for no reason. "Fear for my life". Pfffft. Please...how easy of a fall back is that? Cop out, right? I read on a Facebook feed that someone (and I'm sure there's many, many more that agree) thinks that shouldn't be a defense for us. That when we got into the job, we understood that people might be shooting at us or trying to stab us or trying to beat our asses with a bat, crowbar, sword or what the fuck ever tool that's now become a killing device. Fuck that. I reread my job description and, although we've had more training and legal processes added to it, there isn't dick about its OK to try and kill me.
I am a human being. I will react when confronted with a threat. But here's the kicker...I'm a police officer as well. I have no duty to retreat in the face of that threat. In fact, its my responsibility...my charge...to confront it so that others do not have to. I got into an argument a couple of months ago with a family member about police shootings and "killings". Their stance, like so many who have no experience or true exposure and, therefore, no real understanding of the responsibilities and training of a police officer, was why can't we shoot to disable or disarm? OK, beyond not truly understanding it from a law enforcement aspect, there is a lack of comprehension, or perhaps awareness, of the scientific, the physiological, side of how that idea is, well...ludicrous.
During a threatening incident, such as confronting a person with a gun or a knife or a sword or some other deadly weapon, your body...yes, everyone's bodies...goes into an autonomic response. Its a hyperarousal state commonly known as the "fight or flight" response. When this happens, the body goes into overdrive and changes occur that are out of anyone's control. Adrenaline is dumped, blood vessels dilate for increased oxygen flow to the now much needed muscles, vision and auditory exclusions occur, heart and lung activities increase, and intestinal functions are inhibited. And my mind is functioning in the limbic part of the brain where emotions take a backseat and instincts kick in. All of this in an effort for your body to react quickly and instinctually to the threat. Everyone experiences this response to one degree or another. Its our bodies. We cannot debate this.
Now, take the situation at hand...let's say its a fight with a person who is reaching for your gun or who is trying to stab you with a knife. The conditions are dynamic. Bodies are moving, including their extremities. So, when I'm in this life or death struggle, real or perceived after the fact...at that moment, its real to me...when my body is under extreme stress and experiencing all of the physiological responses stated above and extremities, arms and legs, are moving around like crazy, you want me to stop, take aim, and try to hit a small diameter, rapidly moving object?! Ummm, no. Completely impractical for the confrontation at hand and the responsibilities I have vowed to uphold. So, I do what I have to do to survive it.
But what happens afterwards? That adrenaline has to go somewhere. Relatively speaking, my body returns to a normal functioning mode. My heart begins to slow. I start to breath easier and unhurried. And, although I'm probably still functioning primarily in the limbic part of my brain, my emotions return. And that's when it can hit me.
I'm still a human being. I want to preserve life. Mine as well as others. Not only is that innate, but its also a conscious idea for me. I'm a police officer, a public servant, because I truly want to help people, however that may manifest itself. (And, however, naïve that sounds, its still true for many of us in this profession.) That may be taking the life of one in order to protect the many. But that doesn't mean I won't suffer somehow for it...for that decision and then my subsequent actions. And no, I'm not at all talking about any legal bullshit that follows, but the suffering I may place upon myself. That's a heavy fucking burden to bear to decide to take the life of another human being, regardless of their standing in life and how much of a shitbird they may be. Whatever I do, I do it because I believe in it. I believe in my virtues and the actions I take to uphold them. But there will be a reaction for what I do...an emotional reaction that can come unexpectedly once my body returns to a more normal state.
Because I'm a compassionate human being as well as being a cop.
Billings (MT) Police Officer Grant Morrison is an excellent example of this. He performed a traffic stop and confronted a suspected shooting suspect, whom Officer Morrison believed to be armed with a handgun. After failing to comply with Officer Morrison's repeated orders to keep his hands in plain sight, the suspect moved them out of view. Officer Morrision, already in his "fight or flight" mode, feared for his life...yes, feared for his life because cops can experience fear...and shot and killed the suspect. This video shows the reaction that followed once Officer Morrison's body began to "normalize". He cried. No shit, right? A police officer, a figure whom the public regularly treats as feelingless robots, showed emotion and felt a sense of humanity after taking the life of another.
I don't, even in the least, watch this video and then think that Officer Morrison is a pussy for crying. No, not at all. I think he's human...a courageous man who stood up and committed his mind and body to serving and protecting his community. I have the outmost respect for Officer Morrison and the deepest of compassions for him. If it were me instead of him, I'm sure I would have done the same from the intense start to this emotional finish.
And, despite my convictions to the righteousness of valor, there can be a hidden, dark side to it.
Because I'm a human being.
But what is that phrase actually conveying? What does it mean? Of course, it varies with each individual. For me, it means that, in the act or actions of courageousness or strength of character, there is hope for us as individuals and then collectively as a society. I am inspired by others just like the next person. And more so when its those who have devoted everything...sometimes literally and tragically everything...for the betterment and protection of the world we live in. Firefighters, paramedics and EMTs, doctors and nurses, teachers and caretakers, and the like.
And yes, police officers. Believe it or not. Its not a secret that we've been getting the shit beat out of us in media outlets this past year, but I'm proud to say that I am part of this elite and devout brotherhood (please, don't take offense my sisters in arms...I'm just trying to keep it simple and maintain proper English to show that I have some level of higher intelligence. I absolutely include you.).
So, police officers. Who are these guys? What are these people? Who am I? Lately, we've been monsters. Murderers, to some, who have been given a badge and a gun and now have a legal avenue to start shooting the shit out of people for no reason. "Fear for my life". Pfffft. Please...how easy of a fall back is that? Cop out, right? I read on a Facebook feed that someone (and I'm sure there's many, many more that agree) thinks that shouldn't be a defense for us. That when we got into the job, we understood that people might be shooting at us or trying to stab us or trying to beat our asses with a bat, crowbar, sword or what the fuck ever tool that's now become a killing device. Fuck that. I reread my job description and, although we've had more training and legal processes added to it, there isn't dick about its OK to try and kill me.
 |
| Homicide suspect, who returned to the scene of the crime where a woman was stabbed to death, confronts police officers. |
I am a human being. I will react when confronted with a threat. But here's the kicker...I'm a police officer as well. I have no duty to retreat in the face of that threat. In fact, its my responsibility...my charge...to confront it so that others do not have to. I got into an argument a couple of months ago with a family member about police shootings and "killings". Their stance, like so many who have no experience or true exposure and, therefore, no real understanding of the responsibilities and training of a police officer, was why can't we shoot to disable or disarm? OK, beyond not truly understanding it from a law enforcement aspect, there is a lack of comprehension, or perhaps awareness, of the scientific, the physiological, side of how that idea is, well...ludicrous.
During a threatening incident, such as confronting a person with a gun or a knife or a sword or some other deadly weapon, your body...yes, everyone's bodies...goes into an autonomic response. Its a hyperarousal state commonly known as the "fight or flight" response. When this happens, the body goes into overdrive and changes occur that are out of anyone's control. Adrenaline is dumped, blood vessels dilate for increased oxygen flow to the now much needed muscles, vision and auditory exclusions occur, heart and lung activities increase, and intestinal functions are inhibited. And my mind is functioning in the limbic part of the brain where emotions take a backseat and instincts kick in. All of this in an effort for your body to react quickly and instinctually to the threat. Everyone experiences this response to one degree or another. Its our bodies. We cannot debate this.
Now, take the situation at hand...let's say its a fight with a person who is reaching for your gun or who is trying to stab you with a knife. The conditions are dynamic. Bodies are moving, including their extremities. So, when I'm in this life or death struggle, real or perceived after the fact...at that moment, its real to me...when my body is under extreme stress and experiencing all of the physiological responses stated above and extremities, arms and legs, are moving around like crazy, you want me to stop, take aim, and try to hit a small diameter, rapidly moving object?! Ummm, no. Completely impractical for the confrontation at hand and the responsibilities I have vowed to uphold. So, I do what I have to do to survive it.
But what happens afterwards? That adrenaline has to go somewhere. Relatively speaking, my body returns to a normal functioning mode. My heart begins to slow. I start to breath easier and unhurried. And, although I'm probably still functioning primarily in the limbic part of my brain, my emotions return. And that's when it can hit me.
I'm still a human being. I want to preserve life. Mine as well as others. Not only is that innate, but its also a conscious idea for me. I'm a police officer, a public servant, because I truly want to help people, however that may manifest itself. (And, however, naïve that sounds, its still true for many of us in this profession.) That may be taking the life of one in order to protect the many. But that doesn't mean I won't suffer somehow for it...for that decision and then my subsequent actions. And no, I'm not at all talking about any legal bullshit that follows, but the suffering I may place upon myself. That's a heavy fucking burden to bear to decide to take the life of another human being, regardless of their standing in life and how much of a shitbird they may be. Whatever I do, I do it because I believe in it. I believe in my virtues and the actions I take to uphold them. But there will be a reaction for what I do...an emotional reaction that can come unexpectedly once my body returns to a more normal state.
 |
| Las Vegas Metro police officers react after two of their own where assassinated while eating lunch. |
Billings (MT) Police Officer Grant Morrison is an excellent example of this. He performed a traffic stop and confronted a suspected shooting suspect, whom Officer Morrison believed to be armed with a handgun. After failing to comply with Officer Morrison's repeated orders to keep his hands in plain sight, the suspect moved them out of view. Officer Morrision, already in his "fight or flight" mode, feared for his life...yes, feared for his life because cops can experience fear...and shot and killed the suspect. This video shows the reaction that followed once Officer Morrison's body began to "normalize". He cried. No shit, right? A police officer, a figure whom the public regularly treats as feelingless robots, showed emotion and felt a sense of humanity after taking the life of another.
I don't, even in the least, watch this video and then think that Officer Morrison is a pussy for crying. No, not at all. I think he's human...a courageous man who stood up and committed his mind and body to serving and protecting his community. I have the outmost respect for Officer Morrison and the deepest of compassions for him. If it were me instead of him, I'm sure I would have done the same from the intense start to this emotional finish.
And, despite my convictions to the righteousness of valor, there can be a hidden, dark side to it.
Because I'm a human being.
